Team MILF and the Mud Run

This past Sunday I ran the Down and Dirty Mud Run with four of my Texas friends.  Fantastic.

Let me preface the story with saying that our training consisted of meeting at On the Border Mexican Restaurant one Friday night for margaritas and enchiladas.  I don’t see what the problem is with that, either.   We took all of five minutes to discuss the outfits we would be wearing and the rest of the meal talking about sex, relationships and more sex.

All essential to mud run training.

The morning of the race, I woke up early.  A little nervous stomach because this was going to be my first (but certainly not last) timed race.  I showered and did my hair.  For the mud run.  Because that makes perfect sense.  By 6:45 a.m. five very tired moms were on their way down to Cedar Hill State Park in South Dallas, dressed in pink tank tops that read “TEAM MILF” with matching pink tube socks and black shorts.

As we pulled into the park and found our parking spot, we passed the 7:30 runners who were already on the course.  The public service heat consisting of police officers, military and firefighters.

We stopped for a second to enjoy the view.  It was a lovely view.  Lots of shirtless, muddy men climbing rope walls….  That’s. Just. Fine.

Team MILF collected our race bibs and got our little timing tags hooked on to our shoes.  This, of course, being hilarious because not one of us could care less about how quickly we wanted to finish the course.  We just wanted to get muddy.  And climb some shit.  Then we snapped a picture of us clean before we started the race.

Like any group of women who had 14 children collectively, we had to find a place to pee.  I was both horrified and disgusted that our only options were port-o-potties.  I whimpered.  Because there isn’t much nastier than a port-o-potty.  You can squat all you want to not touch anything but you can’t do anything about the smell of rotting death that suffocates you as you enter.

Well, I’m awake now, I guess.

Soon after, we were in line. Counting down to seconds before the gun went off.  And then away we went.

I don’t appreciate that the first thing we had to do was run up a giant hill.  WTF?!  Is this how we’re starting??!!  It sucked.  And it probably took us about a 1/2 mile before we hit our first obstacle which was a ladder wall.  Planks of wood stacked up about 15 feet high that we had to scale and climb over.  Fine.  No problem.  Done.

The course continued on and we did a bunch more stuff.  We climbed a rope ladder, we scaled a rope web and then slid down a giant slide, we crawled through tunnels that cut up your knees, we climbed under ropes on the grass.

Where the hell is the mud?  Isn’t this supposed to be a mud run?  It’s 85 degrees at 9 a.m. in Texas – where the hell is the mud to cool us off?  We were confused.  And a little disappointed.

Then it came.  About 1/2 mile before the end of the race.  A mud pit that we had to crawl through.

It felt great to get in there.  We laughed hysterically and flung mud at one another.  And then we stood up.

And instantly felt 20 pounds heavier.  In our shoes.

Ahhhhh….now I get it!!  This is why you can’t have mud the whole race!  It felt like lead on our feet!

We had to walk it out for a bit.  So did everyone.  There was no other way.

Finally we snake around to the lake area and we realize that we have to tread through the water  for a bit.  Easy enough.  Until you get into the water and your lead feet start sinking into the bottom and it feels like you’re traveling through quicksand.  And don’t forget the rocks that you can’t see that you’re stepping on, tripping over, slamming into.

Good times, good times.  Let’s do that two more times, shall we?

The last bit of the race was crawling about 40 feet through a mud pit that had your face about six inches away from the mud.  It was awesome.  My friend Emily did the backstroke in it.

We got out of the pit and crossed the finish line arm in arm.  Laughing hysterically.  Because we had so much fun.  It was so much fun.  It was hard at times and we were sweating but it was fun.  It was hot and we ran on crazy uneven terrain but it was fun.  We got mud up in our vajayjays but it was fun.

I’d do it all over again.  And will.

Thanks, Team MILF.  One of the best days I’ve had in a long time.

One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Jill on June 6, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    This story is so similar to ours… Right down to the color of the shirt! It WAS fun, but I could’ve done without the 4 feet of mud. I didn’t mind running through it, but swimming through it? I was ok during the swim, but after was a pain in the ass. But I did it! And that’s really all that I was after… A sense of accomplishment! Great job!

    Reply

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